Today we’d like to introduce you to Caitlin Shea.
Caitlin, let’s start with your story. We’d love to hear how you got started and how the journey has been so far.
My college years were an odd time. I went to a Catholic University near NYC which carried a strong focus on Vincentian and giving. However, it was during those years that in the time between competitive debating and neurological research that I battled a very deep and at times life-threatening depression. In that time, I came into my own and came to accept that I am a queer-identified person.
As a way of searching for my authentic self, I became very invested in masculine and dapper clothes. As a means of reclaiming myself and my image, I began a small scale blog where I just posted insanely low-quality selfies to a largely positive response to a larger queer community that I simply couldn’t find on my campus. As different, largely established social figures reached out to me and encouraged me to pursue this, I realized how homogeneous the queer representation on that platform was with many of the blogs showcasing skinny, white, androgynous women. Being at an incredibly diverse university in one of the most diverse places in the world and starting to question and grow out of so much of the bull I’ve been taught about society, I saw this as gross negligence and sought to start a photography project. I saved for months to buy my first real camera, a Canon 40D which looking back was so unbelievably rough.
I’d photograph queer identified friends, strangers, anyone who was part of the community and began posting with quotes and narratives from these people and it all took off. The popularity skyrocketed to over 2,500 followers who were actively engaged. The blog had hit all across the world – Egypt, Ireland, South Korea, you name it. I kept pushing myself to learn how to use this camera, how to edit and found my needs grow. I started purchasing flashes, lenses, you name it, and spend hours reading manuals and watching youtube videos.
Eventually, I started marketing myself for smaller things to make some money to offset what I was spending on this passion project. I remember my first real wedding was a lovely couple, Shubhah and Daniel. Looking back, I can see how much I’ve grown as a photographer, but to date, they were one of the most personable couples I’ve ever met. It was their wedding that got me hooked and made me pursue this. The wedding was an amazing blend of Indian and Jewish culture and every choice was deliberate and intimate. They stated intentions, not vows because they knew they’re human, but they always wanted to do their best and to continue to fall in love with each rendition of each other as they age, grow, and change. And I don’t remember quite how, but pickle fermentations and Homer Simpson made it into a few speeches.
Since then I hustled to keep growing, learning, and expanding. It was that spark of community and intimate human connection – that window into the most personal moments of these people’s lives – that made me chose to pursue that. I can’t fathom taking on clients who I wouldn’t look forward to grabbing a drink with. To be completely honest, I want to be friends with most of my clients and hang out, drink, and watch The Walking Dead!
We’re always bombarded by how great it is to pursue your passion, etc – but we’ve spoken with enough people to know that it’s not always easy. Overall, would you say things have been easy for you?
Oh, absolutely not. There are probably two major hurdles that I’ve faced starting my career, one being marketing towards my own community, and the other being myself. In my first year, I relied pretty heavily on Craigslist as a means of advertising. I’d run campaigns with the same text but highlights from different weddings in different parts of MA, CT, and even Rhode Island. I’d often feature LGBT+ couples because while I have adored my straight couples, I find myself developing a deeper connection with my fellow queer clients because of the empathy created by the shared struggle of navigating a world that’s in many ways regressing.
However, it was only my ads for same-sex couples that were flagged and despite a small handful of emails to Craiglist customer support, I could not get the ads reposted. Even working as an assistant photographer where I’m walking in blind to the couples, I’ve heard my fair share of “That’s so gay” and mocking statements like “Did you just assume my gender?” most often among groomsmen. It’s hard to find roadblocks that stop me from advertising to my own community and make me as a non-binary and queer person feel unwelcomed and mocked within the spaces where I’m trying to take photos that are emotionally heavy and invested. I will always deliver the best product I can, but I often feel conflicted pushing myself to always be respectful, cordial, and vocally uncritical of other’s clients and guests as they insult me and my LGBT+ siblings.
With regards to mental health, as I’ve mentioned before, I’ve had my fair share of depression and anxiety, and while I am significantly better, at times it rears its ugly head. I suppose there’s nothing novel in a sad artist, right? I’ve always been able to show up, shoot, and be genuinely pleased with the results, but the editing? It’s hard. It can be a tough one to tackle, to just sit down and spend 10 hours working on a video, 5 hours on a wedding, cull set when there are over 1,000 photos to go through. It can be nearly impossible to do when my brain keeps telling me nothing matters and I’m chronically tired. Without a doubt, it’s been my greatest struggle. Fortunately, my clients are amazing. Truly. I’m working on a documentary piece for an amazing tattoo artist. Gabriel Londis. who puts things into skin that so photo realistic that it’s uncanny, and I know I’m behind on the project. He has handled it with grace and patience – I can’t say enough good things about this man – but I know it must be hard and I acknowledge how fortunate I am that he is so great.
How do you have that conversation with clients? “Sorry I’m late on the set, I spent the week wanting to die.” Ultimately, what happens in my life shouldn’t impact when I deliver things and it shouldn’t be their concern. So there’s a lot of guilt. I often think of if I’m late delivering images to these wickedly amazing people. I had a couple last week where we spent half the consult talking about the ethics of self-driving cars and how an automated future may look. It was a blast. In these short interactions, I do start caring for these people. When they add me on Facebook, I cheer for their victories and I grieve their losses, and I never want a delay the product or complicate their lives.
Fortunately, I’ve gotten better. In the beginning, I used to be far too ambitious, promising a 2 week turn around for a wedding when I had a mountain of work for my thesis, classes, and a day job. Now I’m realistic. I have a full-time job in addition to my own business so I can be selective and pace myself. I never want to feel pressured to take on a client that isn’t a good fit or create the potential for a work queue that I can’t get out of. It’s a habit of mine that I’ve become far better at tackling but I know it will continue to be a work in progress. While I celebrate all parts of the human experience, including when our brains don’t act in the ways we think they ought and should, in a capitalistic world where services feel less and less human and more commercialized, it’s hard to make space for that.
We’d love to hear more about your business.
I’m a photographer and focus most on weddings and performance artists. I root for the underdogs, the musicians, the oppressed groups. I’ve worked with photographers who run through the standard shots and the tried and true poses, but it doesn’t feel custom-tailored to the couples. And don’t get me wrong, these photographers deliver amazing work and their knowledge of lighting, framing, and posing is jaw-dropping, but I feel like it is a very rehearsed art with little room for variation. I’ve had women who want to look powerful, bad ass, who would feel misrepresented by these dainty and soft bridal poses and men who want to be just as shown and featured as the brides. Same-sex couples and non-binary people who feel sidelined by most traditional wedding practices that weren’t made with them in mind. Female singers who can belt it so loud who are always captured in these soft poses that don’t reflect the setting. When I shoot, I don’t go in thinking “They’re a woman, so I should pose them this way,” or other biases that can really hinder authenticity. My business rests on getting to know clients and ensuring that what I capture is truly them.
My style tends to be more documentary influenced. While I’ll pose couples and set aside time for posed sets of the wedding party, I try to minimize the time spent doing this as much as possible so the couple can be fully present in their day. Influenced from my earlier days when I focused most on capturing live music performance, I do a lot of candid coverage which I think that really provides something special. One of my favorite pieces of feedback was from a band I frequently cover, The Leafies You Gave Me, who said, “[You have an] outstanding craftsmanship, keen artistic eye, and conscientious sense of the moment.”
I want the experience to be first and the images second. I won’t ask the audience at a concert to move, a performer to move to different lighting in the middle of their set, or grandma to get out the aisle during a ceremony, I’ll find ways to work around it. Can that lead to imperfections? Absolutely. But those moments are real, felt, and uninterrupted, and that organic flow and presentness is what matters most to me.
What were you like growing up?
Growing up, I was shy and nerdy. I loved all the geeky shows and would spend most evenings watching Star Trek. I had a hard time finding my place as a tomboy. I didn’t really understand the makeup and obsession with celebrity news. Most of the advanced placement classes I was in were fairly male-dominated and to say the least, I didn’t share much commonalities with the teenage boys of my school. As a second generation Irish kid, my love of Celtic music certainly didn’t garner many friendships. Put shortly, I had some close relationships and a small but loyal group of pals, but against the larger school, I was kind of a wallflower.
It was during middle school that my life drastically changed. My grandmother was diagnosed with an advanced cancerous brain tumor around the same time that Kennedy was. The doctors had always told us that she would outlive him, but she never asked how much time they thought she’d have left. She moved in with us and my family did our best to provide care. My mom was new to a job after a round of layoffs left her unemployed after 20 years of service to the same place. My father, an electrician, was trying to work as much as possible after the Recession cut his hours. They both did so much when they were home, but when they were gone, a lot was left to me and my siblings. It was hard, to bottle all the sorrow and pain as we watched her slowly lose pieces of herself after each surgery. But we did what we had to do be functioning and helpful, and I’ll never regret that.
During those years I became more introverted and quiet. After her passing, I started working a lot to stay busy and cope. Before college, I had personally saved 20 grand from minimum wage jobs here and there. I’m glad that I could really find myself in college and develop a love of hyperbolic humor, puns, and dad jokes. That I was able to pursue both academically rigorous research while feeling a love of artistic expression. But younger me? Smart perhaps, but a gilded and quiet kid.
Pricing:
- Weddings starting at $850
- Portraits starting at $200
- Band coverage averaging $200
Contact Info:
- Address: Pleasant St, Holyoke MA 01040
- Website: www.caitlinsheaphotography.com
- Email: caitlinsheaphotography@gmail.com
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