Today we’d like to introduce you to Taciane Santos.
Thanks for sharing your story with us Taciane. So, let’s start at the beginning and we can move on from there.
I am currently 26 years old and the daughter of immigrant parents who moved to America “the country of opportunities” from Brazil. Growing up, I never had the same resources and support system as my peers. A lot of my peers would be able to take homework home and ask their parents for help and it would be that easy! I, unfortunately, would have to take a different route since my parents had no idea what it was like to be a student in a different country let alone assist me with a reading assignment in a language totally unfamiliar to them.
As I grew up, I figured out a way to rely on various resources as well as friends to slowly achieve one goal at a time. My parents were always by my side but because of the lack of knowledge and resources, they could never assist me on a deeper level. As time went along, I encountered a passion for volleyball. I played volleyball in middle school, high school, club volleyball teams, and finally ended up at Merrimack College playing division two volleyball which was my biggest accomplishment! I was the first in my family to graduate from college and later pursue a Masters in Crime and Justice. While engaging in volleyball and my education I also attempted to find a balance and model.
Modeling has always been a dream of mine ever since I was about ten. I remember going to my first casting ever and literally feeling my entire insides exploding as I filled out a sign in sheet and waited to be called. As I sat there and waited to hear my name, I began to freak myself out by looking at the other girls and thinking thoughts such as, “I won’t get it, she’s prettier and doesn’t have a birthmark like mine.” Unlike a lot of the other “normal girls,” I was born with a port wine stain birthmark on my left leg. A port wine stain is a vascular birthmark meaning that it is relations to the skin’s blood vessels. This birthmark is not caused by anything that my mother did while she was pregnant it is simply something unpreventable.
Interesting fact, about three out of every 1000 babies are born with this birthmark. You would think I would feel super cool and special for having this right? Well, the modeling industry doesn’t necessarily support that idea which has always made me want to fight even harder. After years of consistently being bullied in middle school to hearing NO’s from various gigs and agencies I just kept on going. The world made me feel like I was some sort of abnormal freak who didn’t deserve to be alive or wanted for no fault of my own. I was just a kid you know? There were days where I would wake up and hate myself and the world and other days, I would wake up and tell myself, “I want this more than anything and I want to be a role model for other women who struggle with loving their bodies.”
I slowly continued to pursue my modeling career one step at a time while battling my inner self-doubt that the world helped create. I was finally able to get signed with an agency in Boston called Model Club who then began to send me auditions for me to go to with the potential of booking them. Every time I got a YES from a client it was like hearing you just won a million dollars… in my mind, for every other model hearing, a YES was almost normal. But for me, hearing a YES was like a huge victory and when I would arrive at the site it was like a dream no matter how big or small the job was I just kept telling myself “I f****** did it, I AM HERE fighting after everything.” I would also almost instantly picture all the mean kids/girls who called me “ugly and weird.” When the bullying started I was just a child trying to find myself in this big ass world.
Society made me feel like I didn’t deserve to live. From the horrible things, kids would say to me at recess to disgusting nicknames they would give such as, “the red monster.” I was punished and treated like a freak for something completely out of my control.
Everyone acts like we all were given a checklist before we were born where we got to check off all the characteristics we wanted to have and then BOOM we would come out just as we requested. Unfortunately, that is not the case at all. We are all unique in our own ways and we all have our insecurities and should never emphasize one’s insecurity to make them feel less than. The modeling industry is cutthroat and unforgiving but I love the challenge. I am learning to embrace what is unique about me and showing it off like a gold medal. When I have my low moments I quickly pull out my phone and go on Winnie Harlow’s Instagram. She is my inspiration to slay and embrace all my imperfections as well as Mia Kang and Iskra Lawrence.
I also try to remember that there is still hope because the industry is slowly changing with big companies like American Eagle pushing their #AerieReal campaign that promotes body positivity and untouched images which I hope to be part of one day! But as I chase this dream I continuously tell myself that no matter what I will not stop. For as long as my heartbeats nothing will tear me down or make me give up on my goals.
I’ve fought a hard fight and learned that I can overcome anything I want as I have already accomplished so much. I went from never thinking I could model to signing with a great agency and booking jobs with familiar clients such as CVS, Marshalls, Summer Infant, Iron Mountain, Fanatics, B.Good, and landing a featured role in my first major film with Amy Schumer in the movie “I Feel Pretty (couldn’t be more of a perfect topic). And I’ve only just begun!!
Has it been a smooth road?
My biggest challenge was the battle I fought within myself. It is insane to think about how mental everything truly is. I let what everyone would say and think about me completely drive my actions. It got so out of control at one point that I entered a super dark path of depression and self-mutilation. I made sure to keep it to myself and no one would ever think I was depressed or cutting myself I was really good at making it seem like I was okay. What nearly saved me was a counselor that I began to meet with on a weekly basis during my time at Suffolk University where I pursued my Masters.
I just wanted someone to actively listen to me and help me get myself out of my own head. I just wanted someone to understand that I too was simply a human with goals and dreams. The bullying that began when I was younger regarding my birthmark then spiraled out of control later on to a point where I doubted myself in everything I did going forward. This world can be so cruel and cold and people can be so nasty.
But I learned that you cannot change everyone and everything all you can do is change your perspectives and that way you treat and carry yourself everything else will follow. Staying true to yourself is the hardest yet the best thing one can do.
Tell us more about your work and what you are currently focused on.
Currently, I work full time as a Program Manager at a nonprofit organization called Roca. Roca’s Mission is to disrupt the cycle of incarceration and poverty by helping young people transform their lives. Roca works with the highest risk 17-24-year-olds who are court, gang and street-involved building.
We build transformational relationships to hook young people into the life skills, education, and employment programming that they need to live successful, crime-free lives. Working at Roca is one of the toughest jobs there is, yet I LOVE IT. I am one of many many passions! While working full time at Roca I also work full time at Lululemon. You must be thinking how do you manage?
Well, Lululemon is what actually helps keep me sane. Roca is hard, traumatic, and intensive work while Lululemon promotes self-care which I’ve become horrible at working in the field of public service. Working with these young men fills my passion for helping others get to a goal they never thought they could achieve similar to myself growing up with immigrant parents.
While juggling working both full-time jobs, I pursue my modeling career as well. Both jobs are extremely supportive and allow me to take the time off I need to go to either auditions or actual bookings which is so amazing and I am incredibly lucky! I will continue on this route until modeling gets super busy where I no longer will be able to manage all three which hopefully will happen soon! I enjoy staying busy, we are young and I believe this is the time to do it. If not now when?
Let’s touch on your thoughts about our city – what do you like the most and least?
This city is full of art, history, and love for sports! From extremely old buildings and houses full of history to crazed Boston sports fans. Being an athlete myself, I love how the cities passion for its sports. Everyone lives and breathes the Red Sox, Patriots, Celtics, and the Bruins.
There is not a place in the city where you will go and not see something up with one of those teams on it. We certainly are a committed city with so much pride. I love that about Boston because sports brings people and cultures together. Gives it a sense of family and common love. I’m all about togetherness and world peace, sports has a way of doing that.
What I like least about the city is certainly the traffic and how bitter people are on a daily basis. I’ve noticed that people are a lot more bitter out here than anywhere else I’ve traveled to. People barely smile at each other in the streets and when it comes to interactions in retail stores or coffee shops everyone is very much of an individual versus a peoples person. No one really talks to each other or greets others appropriately.
Everyone is pretty cold out here. Coming from a family of Brazilians where the culture is about warmth, relationships, and closeness out here it’s more of an everyone for themselves sort of vibe. I try to change that by smiling to strangers and being as personable as I can be when I group or around people I do not know.
Human connection is super important to me, I love meeting new people and hey you never know what someone may be going through so a small action could possibly make someone’s day! So, why not be anything but kind?
Contact Info:
- Website: http://www.modelclubinc.com/women/commercial/taciane-santos?back=yes
- Phone: 8578882449
- Email: santosta@merrimack.edu
- Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/taciaanesantos/
- Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/taciane.a.santos.7
Image Credit:
Lalo Torres, Jaine Souza
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